Well to day I decided to say where I am I just have to pick up some extra shifts every month to get by. Hopefully soon I will be get some child support regularly. That will help out a lot. My ex got a girlfriend and I really hope it last, cause she has kids and I know that no matter how much of a dick he is to my son he will have a good time. My son actually came back to me happy the last time I picked him up from is dads. Sense how he is the only child he love it when he is with around other kids. He love the kids club at the gym. The gym is not only a good thing for me but for my son as well. I really think that he likes it up here. He gets spoiled left and right. Between my, mom, sisters, step dad, my co-worker and of course my self. I really hope that I making the right choice for the both of us. I'm sure I am, but I wish that I could make it work for my grandma as well. If I could I would move her up here and rent out her house, to make the payments on it. But she would never go for that.

Well to day was my last section with my personal trainer. Now I know I have to step it up even more and give it my all cause if I don't I will fail with out Jared there to push me. I need to stop letting things get in my way. It is so easy for crap to get in my way, but I kneed to be stronger about every thing I got on my plate to make my self stronger. I have tooken on so much at ones and I'm trying my hards to keep up. I'm going to put my all in to it. I really want to make Jared proud of me, but more inportent to make me proud of my self. I'm scared to be on my own now, but I'm not going to let that get in my way. I know I can do this cause I am a strong person, and I always fine a way. I just know that I'm not ready to fly solow on this big change in my life.

Well I just had my b'day and it was the best b'day I have ever had. My b'day as always been the wort day of the year of me so it was a nice change to have a good one, I took some time off and had four day weekend. Half of it was payed. My grandam called me to day, she silt wants me to to move in with her and I don't have the hart to tell her that I don't want too. All thought it would be a lot essayer if i did, I would be able to: go back to school, pay off my diet, continue to see a personal trainer ( although I would hate to have to have a defiant personal trainer, Jared is the best) I would be able to get a hardship lissones and my grandma has a care for me. It is a lot to think about. I don't know if I could handle living with my grandma, don't get me wrong I love her to peaces but leaving with here is hard she gives me no privacy what so ever, every one needs there privacy. When I talk to my friends about it most of them say I should go. The rest say that I should stay. The good thing is if I do move there is an the company I work for is every were. I don't know what to do. I do know that I want to go back to school. I want to me a RN and most likely working in a hospital. My son is get so big I can't believe that he is almost three years old. I finely have him potty trained all but when he goes to his dads. Potty training him as been one big rollicoster, but now it is done. Some time I still have to remind him to go potty, but most of the time he goes by him self.

The start of a new life

Wile reading this keep in mined, I can not spell worth shit. Well it has be all most a year since I left my soon to be ex-husband. This has been the most pain fall and frustrating thing that I have had to go though, even though my parents abandoning me and being homeless as an young teenager. The thing that makes it so hard is my son and knowing that his dad is not a good for him what so ever. Sadly to say my son would me better off not knowing his dad. God I don't know what I ever saw in him. Any ways, my nerves have been shot lately. My divorce is almost over and my ex has destied to take me back to court, cause "I'm not worth paying child support" and he is trying every thing he can to get out of it. In the mean time he is doing every thing to make my life a living hell. Well I have been working really hard all this time to make sure that my son has every thing that I can give him. It is so hard but I am strong and I know I will make it one way or anther. Right now I am trying to make one of the hards decisions in my life. The thing is I want to go back to school so bad but I already have a student lone of $14000 to pay off, that and I need to work full time to make ends meet for my son. His dad is a ded beat so there is no way I could look to him for his sons needs. Therese also my grandma she is getting to old to take care of her self and wants me to move in with her. If I do I can go back to school, pay off some diet that my ex made for me. Sounds like the answer to my problem right. Well there is all so the fact that I have not lived in a place for more than a year sens I was 8 years old. In September I will have been in this area for a year. I have restart my life over agin, so many time. Because of this I have a hard time bring my self to even consider moving to my grandmas. My son has gotten so attached to his grandma "my mom" that I can not bar to take that away from him. He is almost 3 and the only person that has really been there for him is me. His dad has been in and out of his life sense he was born and now he gets to see my mom ever day and he loves it. So I don't think that I should pack up and move to anther town all over again, when my son and I have filly mad a life for us here.